adventures in infertility

The title is a misnomer actually but it sounded kind of catchy to me so I decided to stick with it. A more accurate title would be "I can get pregnant but the darn eggs keep getting stuck in my fallopian tubes" but I thought that was a little too long.

So this morning we are in Orlando where Shaun and I will see yet another infertility specialist in our efforts for a second grubbling. This particular doctor comes highly recommended and according to his profile has a number of "novel surgical products." I was slightly disturbed when I read this. Not that I am against novel surgical products, I just thought that the wording sounded a little creepy. Semantics aside, I will soon meet the good doctor and in 15 minutes or so decide if I'm buying.

I do not like making these decisions. They loom too large in the landscape of my mind. Of course I have Shaun to help me but still it is a difficult one. And there are so many questions. Questions that we cannot answer.

Are we trying too hard? We have a great little boy, do we really need another one?

Is there a reason we only have one? It this simply our life journey?

What if we go through with this and something goes wrong, would we regret our decision?

If we do nothing, would we regret our decision?

What if this is our last and best chance for another baby? Seth would be a wonderful big brother.

Like I said, there are no answers. Maybe we will learn something today that will help us make this decision.

I am suddenly remembering a line from a song I once wrote -"We don't know what the future holds, but we know the one who holds us in the palm of his hand." At the time I was writing those lines for my nephew and our friend's new baby but perhaps there was a greater intent, one that could not have been understood at the time. Maybe I was writing for me.

So for my part, I will pray.

For Seth's part, he wants a baby - a green baby.